Who Said That?

“…and while they were sailing he fell asleep. A gale swept down on the lake, and the boat was filling with water, and they were in danger. They went to him and woke him up, shouting, ‘Master, Master, we are perishing!’ And he woke up and rebuked the wind and the raging waves; they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, ‘Where is your faith?’…” (Luke 8:23-25)

Yesterday, my back hurt so bad that I fantasized being able to cut out the mid section or jabbing a syringe filled with numbing substance into the offending area. I had done the exercises assigned to me by the physical therapist. I lay with my spine centered on Styrofoam half cylinders, lent to me by Steve, extending both arms to the sky as I inhaled and then spending the air in my lungs as I brought my arms, straight and pinned to my sides, to the floor. Oh, my spine feels like a bad bruise. With knees bent, I crossed one leg over the over, using the lead appendage to pull the opposing leg to the floor, the companion arm straight and extended above my head, the other arm pointing in the opposite direction. All the while, I am inhaling and exhaling like everything I read these days tells me I should do to relax, find my center, and be in the moment. Now I’m discovering that this breathing regimen is also a path to my Spirit.

So I’ve gotten old—let’s just say, “older”—and this old dog is finally getting around to realizing ideas that have been circulating for, well, I don’t really know how long. When I made this observation last night to my friend Suzi, puzzling over why I am so late to the party, she commented, “You’re ready now.” Is it that simple?

There are no random events, in my humble opinion. Awhile back, someone with whom I spend Friday mornings in Morning Prayer and then in our group’s version of Bible study lent me Marcus Borg’s THE GOD WE NEVER KNEW. I started it, and then as is my custom, I got distracted by other things that I was either already reading or had started subsequently—THE FAITH CLUB, Eckhart Tolle’s A NEW EARTH, a fictional diary of Hildegarde de Bingen, John Grisham’s latest lawyer escapade, and my meanderings around the Internet throughout any given day.

An email asking me to return Borg’s book before I leave for Texas at the end of this month called me to attention. Did I want to finish this book, which lay three deep on my bedside table, or just blow it off? I had already forgotten the substance of what I had been reading, although the title clearly enough suggests that its purpose is to look at God outside the confines of our past experience. In part it is a look at the Creator as a power who is not wrathful, vengeful, jealous and finger pointing. We humans pretty much have the market cornered on these attributes. So, I snapped to yesterday morning and read eagerly and with focus. And as for salvation? What do we pray? Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. We pray for the kingdom here, now, not as some distant, hoped-for reward for a life where we have turned away from sin and been saved for eternity. And what about this kingdom? It’s pretty simple. We are to love and take care of one another.

“Unless compassion is translated into action, it is powerless.” Who said that? Oh, I did. I am reminded of the 2000 election, that so-called conservative triumph, a return to morality and family values, to fiscal responsibility, the sequel to a thousand points of light and Ronald Reagan’s ketchup as vegetable in school lunch programs. Prior to the election, a conversation with one of my employees—a 20 something female—revealed textbook attitude of those who have, and who also claim little responsibility towards those who have not. Would that such attitudes could be written off to youth. It’s all about choices, many would say. Get over it.

I have a responsibility to others, even for those who make poor choices. I’ve certainly made enough of my own, and I’m not finished going through the wrong doors. I’m not stupid. I don’t entertain any notions that I can solve the problems of our world. All I can do is work from the simple but complicated notion of doing the next right thing and hoping in the process that my choices somehow have a positive effect on my life and for the next guy. I can hope that somehow I can step outside the drama that is my little life, deny my ego until it willingly stays in the background, suspend judgment, and embrace goodness and mercy.

Could it be that my chronic backache has something to do with chronic ego and lousy breathing? Let me borrow from Eckhart Tolle concerning the human habits that get in the way of living the Creator’s purpose for us—demanding recognition and getting upset when we don’t get it—seeking attention by playing up our personal drama—giving our opinion when no one has asked for it, and worse, it is irrelevant—valuing how others see us, rather than valuing honest relationships with them—seeking to impress others with all sorts of things that in no way are a measure of anything worthwhile—using anger as a tool to control others—taking things personally (translated taking myself way too seriously)—claiming offense in an attempt to put others off balance—needing to be right.

(Paraphrase from Eckhart Tolle, A NEW EARTH, “The Discovery of Inner Space,” p. 255)

Too much of this list says too much about me, I’m afraid. Frankly, I’m not doing so great in my struggle with ego, but I remain hopeful. I keep failing to hear the whisper, and my body is sore from the brunt of the brick. Eventually, I will be healed. I guess I can take comfort that I’m not alone in the boat.

Who Said That?—Santa Fe, New Mexico (February 5, 2009)
R. Harold Hollis